The Future Starts Here Day Eight: Maintenance

 

1,2,3,4,5,6,6,7,8,9, 10 whirr click…Oh greetings Humans! That page took an illogically long time to load. It’s not like I’m doing anything that complicated – just creating a hole in space-time from 500 years in the future to send you a missive for day eight of the ‘Kindred Spirits’ promotional blitz. I’m Sparky the Mekkion and my book is all new and has never been out before, although it still has the same magnificent illustrations by our Human friend which are so brilliant they made me cry. Which is quite dangerous in a Mekkion. The acid in waters causes us to rust you see.
I ought not to feel anything at all given that we voted to have our emotions removed along with 90% of our body parts centuries ago, but I still have a heart. Which is why I was so angry when an evil Doosbrat hybrid named ‘Melon Rusk’ arrived one day and took over my workplace.  ‘The Universal’ used to be such a wonderful company to work for, helping translate things between all the twelve different species. I really enjoyed working there and helping aliens. I had a special job seeing things from a higher perspective, checking that all posts were neutral and fair. Only he came along and turned it into a business, named it after himself and even took away our ability to use vowels without paying for them! There’s something not quite right about him though. Could it be that he’s really just a front for politician Ronald Grump? Or an old Camalosian boyfriend of mine named Plaidimir Vutin? 

Of course nobody’s blaming them are they? They’re making us look the other way  at people who have even less than we do – at the newly arrived space dinosaurs to be exact, just because they’re refugees from another time who are a little bit backward. I quite fancy the dishy pterodactyl one named Zilda. Between you and me he quite turns me on – although I guess I can do that myself, seeing how I have buttons for everything. For love is what brings us to a higher dimension. Well, that and searching for the ‘porpoise of life’… Anyway something tells me this particular timeline you’re in would benefit a lot from what we learned so if you want to know how to defeat wickedness and tyranny either read the book or check out this amazing video by a Human friend who’s the sort of Human who has all his sprockets in alignment (that’s a huge compliment coming from a Mekkion).

Buy it here: rebrand.ly/kz9rh63

Remember, the future starts here. But if you can’t wait for tomorrow then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch which logically should be over at www.redbubble.com/people/AlansArchives only their computer algorithms are still being illogical and down for, ahem, ‘Maintenance’ (you can get my face on all sorts of stuff including some fab technology casings for your antiquated Earth technology. What do you mean you haven’t invented holovisions yet?!) or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Or of course you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the e-books, paperbacks or the two compendiums over at Amazon (it is a logical way of buying in bulk after all). Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7  If you have a ‘Kindle Unlimited account’ then you should go and add the book to your pile too. That’s only logical!
Well, that’s all for me. I’m going to leave you there and read my book all over again tucked up cosy on my sofa in one of my tyre-blankets with some battery pot-noodles. May all your diodes stay strong! There will be another alien along tomorrow. Yours whirrily, Sparky  

The Future Starts Here Day Seven: Experience

 

Harrumph! How do, you!  You took your time loading this message didn’t you? Hello Humans. What a weird looking bunch you all are with that fuzzy fur stuff sticking out your head, you lot should try some antlers! My name’s Moana which is apt because moaning is my favourite thing. I’m a Maggrumph. I harrumph a lot. Though I’m trying not to – there’s something about rubbing shoulders with the rest of the universe that’s knocking the rough edges off. Eventually. Love helps too – my Clandusprod-hybrid Lisa (as in ‘Moana-Lisa’) has helped bring out a gentler side I didn’t even know was there  ‘Experience’ is book 7 in the scifi-romance-comedy-drama-philosophy series ‘Kindred Spirits’ and it’s the most epic love story of them all, one so big we only just managed to fit it into Amazon’s page count!

Anyway yeah, it’s great mate, so buy it, twits. What, you want me to say a bit more? Well ‘Experience follows my adventures across six hundred years (including the events of the first five books). I was one of the first babies to be born in the universe after intergalactic contact was made and one of us from every species was put into a holovision  reality TV show  ‘The ITGang’ that followed our attempts to get along. Only it didn’t, err, go very well: the Belobrat presenter was only interested I himself, my friends all sold themselves out, I got into trouble for being too ‘honest’ and I got sick and stuck indoors. It all worked out in the end though: I got my dream life (on a farm on an alien planet), my dream job (as a grumpy music reviewer), my dream wife and my brood of adopted alien children. Most of all I learned to stop worrying about keeping up with my peers and to understand that everyone’s life is a little bit different and takes place at different speeds. How?  Well you’ll have to watch the video (not bad – given that it was made by a Human) and buy the book, with newly made illustrations (ditto). In fact no more than that both are so good they actually put a smile on my face. Well, briefly. It takes a lot to make a Maggrumph smile, so they must be good!

You can buy ‘Experience’ here: rebrand.ly/5jaypim

Remember, the future starts here. But if you can’t wait for tomorrow then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch that will be up at RedBubble when they stop being grumpy www.redbubble.com/people/AlansArchives (what no Maggrumph hat-rack?! I suppose the Human clothes with my face on it are nice though if you like that sort of thing) or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Or of course you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the e-books, paperbacks or the two compendiums over at Amazon (although, harrumph, that’s far too much reading if you ask me!) Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7 One thing I’ll never grumble about, though, is the fact that these books are free if you have a ‘Kindle Unlimited’ subscription!

Well, it passes the time as well as anything I guess, Jess, you may as well give it a whirl boys and girls. Hey I told you I wasn’t very good at promotion. If you thought I messed up wait till you see the other aliens, that’s all I can say! One will be along tomorrow. Worse luck. I think it looks like rain too...

The Future Starts Here Day Five: Abundance

 

Howdy howdy hi hi hi, it’s such a pleasure and a privilege for you to meet me – you Humans are my 11th favourite species! it is me, Buster the Belobrat, welcoming you to the ‘Kindred Spirits’ promotional publicity drive day five. And what a day it is – ‘Abundance’ is the greatest of the books (because I’m in it, obvs). I’ve enjoyed it so much that I bought three copies. All the better to read with my three heads! It’s also never looked so good either, thanks to the amazing drawings (which are ever so nearly as good as I could have done! Amazing, didn’t know you Humans had it in you! Plus this book is one of the two editions available in paperback in colour where I look even better!)

This book’s a short story collection featuring six happy (well, some more than others) couples who have found love through the universe-famous Earth site ID (Intergalactic Dating). I’m researching a new angle for my new show ‘Love Planet’, only I’m not actually that sure what love is. So come with me and find out through four seasons and
two intergalactic bank holidays: an argibraffe who falls for a Spice Girls
tribute act singer; a future Glabdihardit version of a certain TV series where
‘The Nurse’ travels in time and space in her trusty table (which is bigger on
the inside) with her sonic vegetable peeler while her two co-stars, a Maggrumph
and a Camalosian, fall in love; a Belobrat and an Agrosian who fall in and out
of love repeatedly (that one’s a two-header. Well four-header technically I
guess given that Belobrats have three heads); an innocent Clandusprod and
Mekkion escape long distance by heading to their first Airbnb on Earth (which
is actually in the air!), a Glabdihardit and Habridat ensign enrol on the
Doosbury Giant ship the SS Enchillades boldly going across the universe in
search of new recipes; and a fortune-teller Mrasianart scared of the future
meets a larger-than-life Doosbury who teaches him to live in the present.
Remember, space comes in fifty shades of black. Want to know more? Check out
this video – one so great I thought for a second I’d made it myself!

Buy it here: rebrand.ly/q9srwa3 or the slightly pricier but infinitely cooler

colourised paperback version here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0F1NKVFJH

Remember, the future starts here. But if you can’t wait for tomorrow then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch that will be up at
our Redbubble site one day honest www.redbubble.com/people/AlansArchives (You can cover your whole house with pictures of me. After all, that’s what I did!) or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Or of course you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the e-books, paperbacks or the two compendiums over at Amazon Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7 (plus they’re all free for Kindle Unlimited users. Let’s face it, my words are
priceless!)

Now that all that boring admin stuff is out the way I’m free to tell you about my life’s history. The day I was born was a very special day indeed. I was the (three) head boy at my school and went to find fame and fortune in…what? You’ve run out of room? Huh charming. Well, that’s all from me then. I suppose you can hang around the other days for the other aliens if you want to, but don’t say things haven’t peaked with me. I love you all. See you in the book, which I know you’re all going to buy right now! (I’m
a genius salesman, me!)

The Future Starts Here Day Three: Province

 

Hello, Human prey, prepare to die! Whoops sorry, I mean hello dear potential customers and welcome to your next potential purchase( I always get those two muddled up somehow). Welcome to day three of the ‘Kindred Spirits’ promotional blitz. My name is Bash! and I’m ^£%£^$*%*&()*%&**%^**(%%£”excited to meet you all! Welcome to the blood-red seas of Agrosia and behold the remains of our once glorious empire!!! In my day I was a much feared Agrosian warrior – mostly reformed nowadays, though once I was $£^$^$**(( scary!!!! I’m your third host and I’m here to tell you all about the re-issue of third ‘Kindred Spirits’ book  ‘Province’, which has been brought to life thanks to the amazing talents of a Human illustrator. She’s $$”^£^£$£”&*()*&&**%%$%$£ brilliant! She’s really captured both the fierce fighter I used to be and my calmer cuter fluffier modern self all in one!!!!!!
How did we end up so £”%£^$&(*(^& peaceful? Well, it all started back in the 20^th century when you Humans sent a probe over to us (Voyager I think it was) containing directions to Earth, information on all your various Human weaknesses (so very kind of you!) and some classical music that was so awful we took it as an act of war (though we quite liked the Chuck Berry and hoped he’s write us our new national anthem). It looked as if it’s going to be easy, given that you were in political disarray when the only person to match our great warriors is a lone weedy worrier Humrasianart hybrid by the name of Eleron and a cabinet of hopeless and lazy aliens who all seem to be in the wrong jobs. Not a match for our $£%£^$£&%$& glorious Agrosian armies!!!! However it didn’t quite turn out that way we planned it to. It's a thoughtful philosophical book all about boundaries and what happens when people and armies break them. With scenes of lots of noisy destruction!!!  Want to know more?  Then check out the video by another Human friend of ours (he’s supremely ^%$£^£$&%*)*(%$£ talented too!) Want to know even more? Then stop bothering me and read the &%%£^£&$*%* book! It’s out now for Kindle and in paperback so you have no excuse!!!!

You can buy the e-book here https://bit.ly/4iY7CyT or the paperback here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0F1LLSWJY  No I don’t know why they aren’t %£^£^& listed together either – I shall have %£&$£^&$£& words with Amazon later!!!

Remember, the future starts here. But if you can’t wait for tomorrow for more Kindred Spirits-related weirdness then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz. I hope it’s me!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch that will hopefully eventually turn up at Redbubble when they get their ^$$£”% act together  www.redbubble.com/people/AlansArchives (we weren’t allowed to make any spears available sadly, in case your infants hurt themselves but there is a laptop case with my face on it for when you want to slam yours against the %$£%$£&*%*&( wall – I know what you Humans are like!) Or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Or of course you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the e-books, paperbacks or the two compendiums over at Amazon Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l

Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7 though mine is the “”!^£$&$& best obviously!!!
 (plus they’re all free for Kindle Unlimited users. What, free?! Not even a Human sacrifice or two? What amazing value!)

Goodbye for now Human. Remember make your future decisions wisely or the glorious might of the Agrosian empire might be invading you sooner than you think and this might be a $£$£^%$&&& different story next time round…

 

The Future Starts Here Day Two: Insurgence

 

*Intensely stares at computer screen waiting for a deep connection, to both universal internet and potential reader*

Cosmic greetings to you brethren! Welcome to day two of the ‘Kindred Spirits’ promotional blitz. Come in to my Mrasianart music room and put your feet up by my tuba. Yes you’re on Mras now. Nice and warm isn’t it? No that’s not a typo by the way, it’s not ‘Mars’; we’re a long way from your solar system, in fact other at the opposite end of the universe – we are there, you just haven’t discovered us yet, that’s all. Gosh what weird legs you Humans have, I bet you can’t even play music with them. How did any species ever evolve without the in-built ability to carry their music around with them everywhere? I’m Auberon by the way, pleased to meet you. I guess I’m what you Humans might call a grasshopper with ideas above my station. No, don’t reach for the fly-swat! I’m peaceful, honest!

I have chosen you to impart this special message because your chakras seem particularly wide open to understanding the urgency of intergalactic contact and peace in the times to come. I know first-hand how dangerous people can be to off-worlders they don’t understand them but you seem different, more evolved somehow. That’s why I’m here you see, to prepare you for what’s to come in another hundred years or so, thanks to my role as second host of the ‘Kindred Spirits’ series celebrating the re-issue of the entire 8 volume scifi-romance-action-comedy-philosophy series ‘Kindred Spirits’ now available for kindle and in paperback with new illustrations by an amazingly talented artist from your planet Earth (I’ve never known such a rueles-coloured aura in a Human before, but I sense a part of it in a lot of you Human viewers I’m speaking to too: you’re very open-minded and big-hearted I can tell. Which of course is why you’re all going to buy lots of books!)
I’m from second book ‘Insurgence’, in which a Human named Eleanor comes to my planet to escape Earth because she’s heard it’s a spiritual haven full of fortune-tellers, tarot readers, tranquillity, equality and music. She’s pretty wonderful: I couldn’t ask for a better guitar accompanist or a better mother to our hybrid child, Eleron. Exactly the sort of brave, kind, resilient soul who gives me faith in other people. Harmony that’s all both of us had ever wanted in every meaning of the word – and we had it for a blissful while there too. Only our new president Almathea is too busy learning from Human history how to be a prejudiced tyrant hoarding things for himself. Good job we put our Intergalactic Peace Orchestra together to make our voices heard about what the people really think away from the lies and propaganda – though how well that goes you’ll have to read for yourself. As a bonus our future intergalactic best-seller includes a sneak preview of the 23rd century’s biggest hits ‘We Reach Out’ and ‘We Are All One Universe (And We’re Only 87 Quadzillion Light Years Apart’). Or you can have a watch of the ‘Insurgence’ video by another very talented Human creative (Wow two of you - I’ve never known such wide open chakras in a species that weren’t Mrasianarts before!)

You can buy it here, in ebook or in paperback formats. Sadly no 3rd century holovision editions around yet but you've got that to look foward to! amzn.to/4bZ1VOR

Remember, the future starts here. But if you can’t wait for tomorrow then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch to be added as soon as our century’s timeline synchronises with yours at www.redbubble.com/people/AlansArchives (who wouldn’t want a Mrasianart Universal case, sorry mobile phone case?! Although sadly there are no musical instruments available with my face on as yet – I so love the wazullah!) Or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Then again you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the e-books, paperbacks or the two compendiums over at Amazon Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7 (plus they’re all free for Kindle Unlimited users, where they can nestle against your other books in perfect harmony).
Right, that is my mission of peace over. Another alien will be along to meet you tomorrow. Farewell dear Human! Till we meet again. Remember always reach out in the darkness to help a friend – and always be aware that while there’s a lot of darkness in space oh those beautiful starry flecks of hope shine so brightly…

The Future Starts Here Day One: Endurance

 

*click whirr buzz* Your facebook timeline has now been intercepted by a signal from the 25th century. We apologise for possible promotional weirdness happening over the next 11 days. 

Welcome fellow clan-members and strange-looking Humans in the 21st century (you guys look so funny without the extra robotic limbs you have in the future!) and a very warm friendly welcome from Zigorous 3! I’m Lizzie the Clandusprod and you lucky lucky people have been specially chosen by us from the future for an 11 day promotional blitz to help prepare you for future alien contact.

You see, some previously published friends have regenerated! The entire 8 volume scifi-romance-action-comedy-philosophy series ‘Kindred Spirits’ has now been upgraded and re-issued for kindle and in paperback with new illustrations by an amazingly talented Human artist friend of ours. She really captured my dress sense and my spots – my artistic cave-clan on Zigorous 3 is thrilled to make her an honorary member!

I’m the star of ‘Endurance’, book one of the series, where I die, fall in love, write a best-selling collaborative book, make first intergalactic contact and save two planets (and in that order too – I never do anything easy!) I’d love to have you read all about it and meet the Clandusprods and the ten other alien species. Anyway why listen to me when you can just watch the video all about it? This was made by another amazingly talented Human friend of ours and it will tell you all you need to know (he has been warmly welcomed as an honorary member of the Clandusprod promotional cave-clan!)

Buy it for Kindle by clicking here

 or in paperback in a special super colourised edition here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Endu.../dp/B0F1LJNM5J/ref=sr_1_2... or you can take a look at the whole series here https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DYNQ5VZC... Don’t ask me why the links aren’t listed on the same page. It might be a quirk of Amazon publishing – or a side-effect of the nexus causal we’ve had to open up to contact you from your distant future!

Remember, the future starts here, but if you can’t wait for that then come visit the website www.kindredspiritbooks.blogspot.com (you can even find out which alien you most resemble in our fun quiz!), buy the ‘Kindred Spirits’ merch which will be added just as soon as our Redbubble page gets their act together (more side effects of time-travelling but they look great honest. Who wouldn’t want a Clandusprod cushion?!) Or if you want to do things the easy way just look out for one of the Mekkion time-travel machines from the future! Or of course you could just immerse yourself in eleven whole other worlds by buying the two compendiums over at Amazon Convergence I: rebrand.ly/yoleg4l
Convergence II: rebrand.ly/izcovt7 (plus they’re all free for Kindle Unlimited users, I’ve heard how big you Humans are on money so what an intergalactic bargain that is)

Nice to have met you all, you Humans don’t seem all that bad despite your intergalactic reputation. I shall hand you over to one of my alien colleagues tomorrow. Till then, remain peaceful – and remember to be explorers, not pirates! I now return you to your regularly scheduled timeline. Yours spottily, Lizzie